Lizzy Borden and Mother’s Day….

Gentle Reader,

Time is running out fellas to get your wife or mother a meaningful gift for Mother’s Day. Oh sure your kids have made macaroni necklaces and clay piles of God knows what, but is that what she really wants? With those two gems, your wife ends Mother’s Day wearing the same expression Lizzy Borden had the week before she killed her family.

Do the right thing, call JT @ 908-377-9199 or simply reply to this email. With a 1 pound mixed box of clusters and caramels your wife is going to change her outlook on life and you will save your family from a certain messy death.

Inventory is going fast so please order ASAP to ensure your families safety. Given the date I can only do local pickup.

I can now take a nap knowing I have done all I can for your safety.

Your Pal and guide to a parallel universe,
JT

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Mother’s Day, Boston, Global Warming….

Gentle Reader,

I trust this correspondence finds you well. Spring has finally sprung and there are a few things that need to be addressed; Mother’s Day, Boston and global warming.

Mother’s Day:
Remember your Mom this Mother’s Day and say “thanks for all the great memories”. Sure she may have drank a few high balls and smoked a few butts during gestation but don’t hold it against her. I’m pretty sure your memories of her are much better than her memories of you! Do something that will finally make her proud of you. For a day let her think she finally got a child as good as the one my Mom got. Go to jtsconfections.com and do the right thing.

Boston:
I’d like to say way to hang tough Boston. Although you have the worst sports teams, even worse fans, and the absolute worst accent, you guys did well. NY sports fans respect the city of Boston and her citizens. Even in these tough times we must never forget the Red Sox stink!!!!

Global Warming:
Global warming is a catastrophe. When coupled with the residual cerebral effects of me usually winning the biggest bong hit contest in college the results are devastating. Unfortunately, I didn’t send this email out in time to offer shipping. Therefore, all orders must be local. When ordering on line, make sure you click the local delivery option. Not to worry. JT’s will be shipping again come the fall.

So get on line at jtsconfections.com and order early and order often. The kitchen will close for the summer shortly.

Your Pal and guide to a parallel universe,

JT

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