Gentle Reader,


How many of you have a child, niece, nephew, or family friend who is in college? I’m not talking about the 51 year old who is going back to community college to redefine himself while creeping out every single female who roams the campus (cafeteria ladies, students, professors, public safety officers, physical plant engineers). I’m talking about the 18 to 23 who are transitioning into the adult world.

If you know someone who is coming of age, it’s time to step up and do something nice. Come mid October these kids are feeling the grind of that 8:00 am alarm two days a week and they need some love. It doesn’t matter what anthropological grouping the student falls into, they still need your help!

The Nerd:

img-oct-2Is there anything more taxing than studying 2 hours a day? Now try 12 hours! The brainiac needs to feed the gray matter. How else can you determine whether the spotted newt you’ve been examining for the past six hours is male or female? Our own scientific research indicates there is no better way to fuel brain activity than with JT’s Confections. Remember: E only = mc² when you eat JT’s.

The Stoner:

img-oct-3After doing massive bong hits all day while watching General Hospital, nothing tastes better than JT’s Confections. Our own scientific research indicates that JT’s improve short term memory and judgement (not really).



The Athlete:

img-oct-4Your student athlete is like a highly tuned sports car. They’re quick, aggressive, and need massive amounts of energy to power through the day. Our internal research indicates that JT’s is loaded with all the essential energy that your athlete needs. JT’s gives your athlete a fighting chance to maintain a 1.75 GPA and keep their scholarship (not really). FYI, 1.25 GPA will work at Southern Football Schools (not sure but probably true). Free 1/2 pound box of clusters to the first person who can identify #70.

The Drunk:

img-oct-5All bets are off. Some drunks eat JT’s like they are the Cookie Monster while others eat JT’s like it’s the most delicate morsel of food they have ever tasted. Regardless, our internal research indicates that JT’s helps to sober and focus the young student. Further, our research indicates that a diet high in JT’s Confections reduces the average drunkards college career from 6 1/2 years to 6 (not really).


For your convenience, we are offering three levels of love for your college care recipient.

Platinum:I love you more than anything” Appropriate for Parents and Grandparents and very thoughtful friends.

Gold:I love you” Appropriate for Aunts, Uncles, neighbors

Zinc:Don’t say I never gave you anything” Appropriate for unhinged parents, sociopaths, and inappropriate acting college professors.

img-oct-6So Gentle reader, please order a Care Package today. Remember, nothing says love like JT’s Confections or for your young college student whether they are family or friend. You are investing in their future!

Your Friend and Guide to a Parallel Universe,


Gentle Reader,


It’s that time of year when the days get shorter, the air gets crisper, the kids head back to school, Mom’s are drinking wine out of pint glasses at 9:30 AM and JT’s Confections re-opens after our summer intermission.

Thanks Tan Mom! The human leather pocket book that just keeps giving…

What a summer it was! We visited Tennessee, Alabama, Louisiana and one other state that I can’t remember but I do recall that in all four states it’s legal to marry at 14, cousins can marry each other at 12. We also visited Maine for the annual two day paint drying contest. This year it coincided with Maine’s two days of summer. (Hoping to insult all 50 states before I’m done!)

To chauffeur in the new confection’s season we’re running a global contest. The goal of the contest is to spread the good word according to JT to as many people as possible.

WIN a JT’s Confections Gift Basket!

The Rules are simple: The two readers who provide JT’s with the greatest number of LEGITIMATE email addresses will win a JT’s Gift Basket. To clarify, please only provide addresses for people who will appreciate our good works. I don’t want the email list for your grandmother’s floor mates at the nursing home. I’d probably kill a few of them anyway!

Do not fear gentle reader, this is a legitimate contest, not like the one my sister Ellen ran on me when I was seven. “Bob Barker” from Truth or Consequences sent me a handwritten letter that said if I did my sister Ellen’s chores for two weeks AND didn’t tell anyone about it, I’d win a bike. Fortunately for me our mother discovered Ellen’s horrendous crime (on the 10th day I made her bed) and unleashed the original shock and awe. Like most domestic shock and awe cases in the 60’s, there was much collateral damage!

To begin your quest for the basket, simply reply to this correspondence. Please include the names of the souls you deem worthy to be enlightened as well as their corresponding email addresses. Again, only people who are worthy and are in good physical/psychological health!

The Store is Open

Come visit the site at JTSCONFECTIONS.COM and note that we are resuming shipping. As a personal favor, please do not order anything that needs to be shipped to the surface of the sun. Arizona, Texas, Florida, etc… Those shipping destinations will be opening up soon enough.

Thank you gentle reader.

Your Pal and Guide to a Parallel Universe,