Roses are red, violets are blue. If I can’t have you, nobody will.

Gentle Reader,

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Boy did that get out of hand quickly… At this point I think it’s best if I just forge ahead.

A St. Valentine’s Day gift from JT’s Confections says “I Love you to the moon and back” without having to go to all that trouble and expense of buying gloves, a hunting knife, a Ford Bronco and 15 rolls of paper towels. (Johnny Cochran died, right???? I’m not up for a lawsuit.)

Although St. Valentine’s Day is a faux holiday, it needs to be appreciated for what it can do for you. If you give a gift from JT’s Confections, St. Valentine’s Day is like your birthday; things happen on that day that won’t happen for another 364 days. On February 14th you’ll get to drink milk from the carton, eat pizza on the new couch, and watch “World War II” in color. If you were thinking this was heading in a different direction, you are a degenerate…call me.

With much humility Gentle Reader, I advise you to give the non-sharp gift of JT’s Confections on this Valentine’s Day. A gift from JT’s Confections will say “I love you” to your better half, your favorite child, the co-worker whom you are one leer from having a restraining order filed against you, or even your Mom. FYI, the second tier children should be given a box of Mike and Ikes….or nothing at all.

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To place an order, please log onto JTSCONFECTIONS.COM and lose yourself. You will travel back in time to your childhood and to a world that was simple and safe. OK that last sentence was a little weird even by my standards.

We ship anywhere in the lower forty eight!

All orders must be placed by February 9th or when I suffer an emotional breakdown and close the site, which ever comes first.

As always, it’s been a pleasure.

Your Pal and Guide to a Parallel Universe,

JT

Happy New Year to all of you!

Gentle Reader,
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I’m confident you are religiously adhering to your well intended resolutions. However, as I encourage you to set goals and strive for personal betterment, you must also be realistic. I know for a fact that you will not lose 75 pounds by Valentine’s Day; there was only one Karen Carpenter.

jan-img2You will not stop drinking today; even Kitty Dukakis spent a few months banging back nail polish remover (Kitty cocktails) before she saw the light.

Finally, many of you upon serious self reflection, have determined that Hannibal Lecture is not the best role model for your work behavior. Stop your nonsense, you won’t change.

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(OK everyone relax, I’m 40 pounds over weight, haven’t had a drink in 14 year, six months, two days and 12 hours, and I was the greatest HR nightmare of all time!)

 

 

The Store is Open!

jan-img4On a confectionery note, JT’s Confections is reopened!!

After our short post holiday break, the chocolate is scrapped from the ceiling, unconscious workers have been air lifted to local trauma centers and all the equipment is in good working order. For those of you who were not able to order online last month (we had to close the site early last year as demand increased 6000%* over the previous year), JT’s orders are again being filled.

jan-img5Again, Happy New Year to everyone. Make 2015 the best year of your life. As an FYI, if you are male, over 45, and date a super model at any point during the year it automatically makes it the best year…regardless of how nuts she is!!!

Your Pal and Guide to a Parallel Universe,

JT