Entries by johnt

Uncle Sam and JT need you to show your support

Gentle Reader, It’s been too long. I’d like to say that I’ve neglected you but nothing is further from the truth, I’ve switch to Face Book as my primary source of communication.  For many of you, you will recognize this campaign from previous years. For our new friends, drop and give me 20 Fancy Pants! […]

Let’s say “Thank you” to the Members of Our Armed Services

We at JT’s Confections, with your help, would like to thank the good men and women who are currently serving, or have previously served, in the armed services of the United States of America. These men and women are asked to perform duties that many of us are either unable or unwilling to perform that ensure our freedoms and safety.

Pete Carol, Miss Amazon, Valentine’s Day Reminder

This past weekend during Super Bowl XCVDQIL, we saw Pete Carroll call for a pass and commit an act of stupidity that was rivaled only when Miss Amazon Runner up, Sheishane Hayalla, snatched the crown from the head of the newly crowned Amazon Queen, Carol Toledo.

Although both incidents were hysterical…

Roses are red, violets are blue. If I can’t have you, nobody will.

Boy did that get out of hand quickly… At this point I think it’s best if I just forge ahead.

A St. Valentine’s Day gift from JT’s Confections says “I Love you to the moon and back” without having to go to all that trouble and expense of buying gloves, a hunting knife, a Ford Bronco and 15 rolls of paper towels. (Johnny Cochran died, right???? I’m not up for a lawsuit.)

Happy New Year to all of you!

I’m confident you are religiously adhering to your well intended resolutions. However, as I encourage you to set goals and strive for personal betterment, you must also be realistic. I know for a fact that you will not lose 75 pounds by Valentine’s Day; there was only one Karen Carpenter.

College Care Package or as the over achieving 2400 plus SATers say Collegiate Sustenance Program…

How many of you have a child, niece, nephew, or family friend who is in college? I’m not talking about the 51 year old who is going back to community college to redefine himself while creeping out every single female who roams the campus (cafeteria ladies, students, professors, public safety officers, physical plant engineers). I’m talking about the 18 to 23 who are transitioning into the adult world.

We’re back!!! Tan Mom. Mushroom Cloud Anyone?

Gentle Reader,


It’s that time of year when the days get shorter, the air gets crisper, the kids head back to school, Mom’s are drinking wine out of pint glasses at 9:30 AM and JT’s Confections re-opens after our summer intermission.

Thanks Tan Mom! The human leather pocket book that just keeps giving…

What a summer it was! We visited Tennessee, Alabama, Louisiana and one other state that I can’t remember but I do recall that in all four states it’s legal to marry at 14, cousins can marry each other at 12. We also visited Maine for the annual two day paint drying contest. This year it coincided with Maine’s two days of summer. (Hoping to insult all 50 states before I’m done!)

To chauffeur in the new confection’s season we’re running a global contest.

The goal of the contest is to spread the good word according to JT to as many people as possible.

WIN a JT’s Confections Gift Basket!

The Rules are simple: The two readers who provide JT’s with the greatest number of LEGITIMATE email addresses will win a JT’s Gift Basket. To clarify, please only provide addresses for people who will appreciate our good works. I don’t want the email list for your grandmother’s floor mates at the nursing home. I’d probably kill a few of them anyway!

Music, Mayhem, and Memories…

Gentle Reader,

I’m writing to you while vacationing at the fringes of the world, Tennessee. Oh sure we could have visited London, Paris, Maui, or Stockholm but we’ve had our hearts set on seeing the International Barefoot Banjo Playing Contest brought to you by Young-ins Day Care Center who’s motto is, “Most seven month olds have more teeth than our care givers“. (OK so that one is probably going to leave a Tennessean black hole in our national sales figures. If it helps to salve the wounds, I had to spell check Tennessee. Big word with just a few letters…just sayin’).

BTW, Cletis and Montgomery took first place in their category, 60’s Pop. They killed it with When a Man Loves a Women by Percy Sledge.

In addition to soaking up the kulture in Tennessee, we’ve been getting JT’s Confections ready for the coming season. Based on the number of desperate phone calls pleading with us to make caramels over the summer…

“Just a taste Johnny, dats all I want, just a taste”, we’re looking forward a busy fall and winter season.

I’ll be back in a few weeks with firm dates as to when we kick off the fall campaign.

Dad, Miss Crabtree, Bloated Nestles Executive

Gentle Reader,

As some of you know, but I’m sure most don’t, Father’s Day is fast approaching. Oh sure you can tell yourself you knew, but you didn’t. Father’s Day is June 15, consider this your warning.

This year rather than buying Dad tools to make your life better or tube socks he can wear while doing yard work, give Dad something that’s going to make him feel loved. A gift from JT’s Confections is just the ticket. A box of confections will say “Today Dad, and today only, you will not be treated like the rented mule you are. Today Dad, and only today, you will have parity with the dog”. Speaking for all Dads, we know this is as good as it gets!


Miss Crabtree:
I know teacher appreciation gifts are always a vexing problem. Do you thank the teacher for shepherding your precious bundle of joy down life’s path while helping them reach their full potential or do you thank them for getting little Babette the *$%! out of your house for ten months.

No need to worry. A gift box from JT’s Confections says thank you for everything they have done. Our confections are so good they even say “thank you Miss Crabtree for not reporting the inappropriate remarks my husband made at Teacher Conference Night”. OMG!

Non sequitur:
Gentle reader don’t forget JT’s Confections is perfect for graduation party favors, wedding favors, bridal showers favors, and hostess gifts.