Entries by johnt

Thank you to everyone who supported “For a Good Cause Candy Box “program

Gentle Reader,

A quick note.

I’d like to thank everyone who participated in the “For a Good Cause Candy Box” program benefiting the Summit Speech School.

Through this program we sold $4,5000 worth of JT’s Confections with 100% of the proceeds going to the Summit Speech School. This money will positively impact the lives of many children; an impact that will change the trajectory of their lives.

On a personal note, this program had a very positive impact on my life as well.

DOWN GOES FRAZIER….and the EASTA BUNNY!!!, Johnny Cochran

Gentle Reader,On January 22, 1973, the sports world witnessed one of the greatest upsets of all time; Joe Foreman knocked out Joe Frazier for the heavy weight boxing title in Kingston, Jamaica. Although it was arguably the biggest boxing upset of all time, it was Howard Cosell’s call of “Down goes Frazier!!” in the first round, that will forever be remembered.

Well Gentle reader, if Howard Cosell was at the mall on March 30, 2014, he would have made similar history and yelled, “Down Goes the Easta Bunny!!” It started out innocently enough…

JT: “Hey Easter Bunny your wife looks like she’s had a zillion kids!”
EB: “Hey JT’s you’re fat!!!”

and…

Love American Style

Gentle Reader,

As we careen to the most famous of made up holidays, Valentines Day, we turn our thoughts to buying the affection of loved ones or at least neutralizing their venom.

Ladies, I know you and your husband don’t see things eye to eye on a lot. Consider for a moment the way you see your husband and the way he sees himself.

How your husband sees himself…

 

How you see your husband…

Aunt Francine, Bill Walton and World Domination!

Gentle Reader,

2013 has come to a close and we embark on 2014 with all the optimism that any new year brings.

In 2013 we witnessed my gallant yet doomed bid to become the next Pope. I’d like to thank my Great Aunt Francine for her support. Unfortunately, the unbridled support of a 97 year old ex-communicated nun with Tourette’s, Alzheimer’s, and a penchant for “medical marijuana” was not enough. For the rest of you who were indifferent to my Papal quest, thanks! Thanks a lot!!!

I still dream….(It never gets old)

Christmas is approaching and you haven’t bought a thing!

Gentle Reader,

I trust you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. It took a few days for the gallon of gravy I chugged to work it’s way out of my system. It wasn’t until the following Sunday that I stopped seeing gray spots and the burning sensation in my feet subsided. I love Thanksgiving!

So with that nutritional odyssey behind me, JT’s Confections heads for the home stretch; the Christmas season. How wonderful are the sites and sounds of the season?

The only thing missing is a holiday treat from JT’s Confections! What says Merry Christmas like a beautiful box of homemade caramel pecan clusters or caramel filled pretzels smothered in rich milk or dark chocolate? If you answered “Nothing”, you’re right! (I like to think I’m doing the Lord’s work. I also like to think I’m six feet tall and weigh 170 pounds…..)

Client gifts, Long deserved recognition, Early retirement and more!

It’s the most wonderful season of the year, the client gift giving season. OK so most deer will have a more relaxing hunting season than you’ll have a gift giving season, but there is hope. Log onto JTSCONFECTIONS.COM and feel your anxiety melt away. It’s like ingesting 1/2 your grandmother’s medicine cabinet in one go! Stay away from the estrogen though…

College Care Package

OK, maybe the 2013-2014 collegiate year didn’t begin as you hoped. When you sent your sweet buttercup into the world, who could have imagined that your 18 year old freshman daughter was able to sign a legally binding “Girls Gone Wild” contract.I, for one, absolutely believe that it was not the actions of your 17 year old son that led to him being treated for alcohol poisoning at the campus infirmary. The only thing that makes sense is that someone slipped something into his diet coke and planted a fake ID on him while he was studying at the library.

We’re baaaaaaaaaaack………….

I am happy to report that the kids are back in school, the neighbor’s cat is MIA, and JT’s Confections “is baaaaack”. For those of you old enough to get the joke, you’re welcome. I need to confess that although we could have used another three weeks of preparation for the upcoming candy season, we could no longer ignore the public clamor for JT’s Confections. FYI forty pounds ago there used to be public clamor for JT!

10,000,000 degrees and 10,000 lakes…..

I correspond with you not as the maker of the world’s finest confections but as an intergalactic explorer. As you can tell from the photo, me and my assistant Anthony (pronounced Ant-knee in Jersey), recently visited the surface of the sun. Ant-knee’s hair jell caught fire in .003 seconds and his St.email-pic-bad-sunburn Christopher’s medal melted in under .076 seconds. Although the Sun was hotter than I thought it might be, it was a dry heat.