I hope all the dad’s out there had a good Father’s Day. For those that received something from JT’s Confections, I’m sure it was the best Father’s Day ever. For those who did not, better luck with the family you and your soon to be gold digging trophy wife are going to start in a few years. As an added bonus when you are 62 and have a child in kindergarten, our soft, velvety caramels won’t rip your George Washington wooden teeth out.
Is there a better way to say thank you to Miss Crabtree than with a fabulous 1/2 pound mixed box of caramels and cluster from JT’s Confections? Lets face it, if it wasn’t for the patience of Miss Crabtree your 15 year old paste eating child would not be starting fourth grade next fall. Please don’t forget to thank the supporting staff as well, nurses, bus drivers, principals, and secretaries. You should thank anyone who helped keep your kids out of the house for eight hours a day for the last nine months
Time is running out fellas to get your wife or mother a meaningful gift for Mother’s Day. Oh sure your kids have made macaroni necklaces and clay piles of God knows what, but is that what she really wants? With those two gems, your wife ends Mother’s Day wearing the same expression Lizzy Borden had the week before she killed her family.
Remember your Mom this Mother’s Day and say “thanks for all the great memories”. Sure she may have drank a few high balls and smoked a few butts during gestation but don’t hold it against her. I’m pretty sure your memories of her are much better than her memories of you! Do something that will finally make her proud of you. For a day let her think she finally got a child as good as the one my Mom got. Go to jtsconfections.com and do the right thing.
We at JT’s Confections would like to extend our sincerest congratulations to our new Pope, Pope Francis I. His friends call him psycho. If any of you guys call him Francis, you’re dead! Any of you guys touch his stuff…you’re dead! (settle down it’s a Stripes reference).
Today I am announcing my mail in candidacy for the Pope. I know this is a little sudden but the resignation of his holiness surprised me as I’m sure it did most of you.
Please take a few moments and write a letter to the Vatican expressing your support for my Papal quest. In your letters please mention I’m a hard worker, you’ve known me for at least 10 years, I like to travel, I took three years of German in high school and of course I make the best caramel you’ve ever had. You can mail these letters to:
For all those who have not yet ordered JT’s Confections to atone for your previous 364 days of poor behavior, time is running short! Unlike Y2K, 100 gallons of bottled water, 12 cases of canned peas and a dank basement will not safe you this time. You really need to step it up and do the right thing.
It’s hard to believe that it’s already been a year since we last celebrated the holiday that is totally dedicated to getting laid (FYI next to Ascension Thursday, Valentine’s day was Mother Theresa’s favorite holiday*) I know that some of you ladies out there are asking “In a man’s world, isn’t everyday dedicated to getting laid”? The answer to your semi rhetorical question is yes, but we also think about eating and world piece. (men spell it piece)
With this space we will be able to meet our ever growing demand for personal gifts and make a bigger push into the world of corporate gifts. We have found that companies that have given our hand made confections to their customers get terrific feedback. It’s not uncommon to hear things like “why weren’t you giving these out before”?, “how did you find these guys”? and “I guess I better step up my business”.
At JT’s Confections we have three goals: 1. make the best caramels and clusters that mankind has ever seen 2. sell them to you 3. from one and two make this world a better place.