Gentle Reader,
Time is running out fellas to get your wife or mother a meaningful gift for Mother’s Day. Oh sure your kids have made macaroni necklaces and clay piles of God knows what, but is that what she really wants? With those two gems, your wife ends Mother’s Day wearing the same expression Lizzy Borden had the week before she killed her family.
Do the right thing, call JT @ 908-377-9199 or simply reply to this email. 
With a 1 pound mixed box of clusters and caramels your wife is going to change her outlook on life and you will save your family from a certain messy death.
Inventory is going fast so please order ASAP to ensure your families safety. Given the date I can only do local pickup.
I can now take a nap knowing I have done all I can for your safety.
Your Pal and guide to a parallel universe,
JT
