Tag Archive for: care package

We’re Baaaaaaaaaaaack!, Pope Francis, Phillyfanistan, and College Care Package

Gentle Reader,
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PhillyfanistanWe’re Back
It is with much satisfaction that I announce that JT’s Confections is fully stocked and ready for the new season. Please visit us at JTSCONFECTIONS.COM and reward yourself for being the best parent you could have been for those three hours last July 23rd!

Pope Francis
JT’s Confections would also like to welcome Pope Francis to the United States. While in the USA, Pope Francis will be visiting our nation’s capital, Washington DC; the world’s capital, New York City, and America’s answer to third world countries, Phillyfanistan.

Phillyfanistan
For those of you who are not familiar with Phillyfanistan, it’s a pagan society located in the south eastern region of Pennsylvania. This territory is inhabited by aggressive, loud, boorish, drunk people who worship false gods. These false gods are tall, massive, toothless beasts who are not able to complete a pass, hit a curve ball, score a goal or sink a free throw…when it counts.

Thank you Holy Father for your courage to visit Phillyfanistan. To quote my favorite Latin passage from the old testament… “Esum caseum CARNIS paniculum fartum edit, osculantur solitum campanulae sonum, et exi velociter ex ictos!”
Translation: “Eat a cheese steak sandwich, kiss the bell, and get out of dodge!”
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Faber CollegeCollege Care
Finally gentle reader, most of us have children, relatives or family friends who are attending an institution for higher learning. Please remember to send these urchins a gift from  JT’s Confections. I don’t know how I can make it easier; just click here  and become the better parent, aunt/uncle or family friend!

As always, thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts; it’s been a pleasure.

Your Pal and Guide to a Parallel Universe,

JT

John as Pope Pope Francis

Close your eyes and you wouldn’t know the difference….just sayin’.

College Care Package

OK, maybe the 2013-2014 collegiate year didn’t begin as you hoped. When you sent your sweet buttercup into the world, who could have imagined that your 18 year old freshman daughter was able to sign a legally binding “Girls Gone Wild” contract.I, for one, absolutely believe that it was not the actions of your 17 year old son that led to him being treated for alcohol poisoning at the campus infirmary. The only thing that makes sense is that someone slipped something into his diet coke and planted a fake ID on him while he was studying at the library.

I say to you gentle reader, rather than dwell on why the world is conspiring against your innocent child, you should let them know they are loved. Is there a better way to say I love you than a CARE package from JT’s Confections? Imagine how a mixed one pound box of clusters and caramels combined with a dozen chocolate covered OREOs will correct the trajectory of your child’s college education. It’s a very small price to pay to protect your $60,000 a year investment.

Please remember, if you don’t have a child in college, but know someone who does, it would be a wonderful act of kindness to send them a CARE package.

Please visit our website at JTSCONFECTIONS.COM to place your order.

Your Pal and guide to a parallel universe,

JT