Gentle Reader,
It is with a heavy heart that I share this news.
Last night in Hämeenlinna Finland, Santa was arrested for public drunkenness. According to eyewitnesses, Santa consumed approximately 9 Manhattans before passing out at the bar. When the bartender woke Santa to ask him if he needed a ride home, he started yelling to anyone who would listen that his marriage was a sham and was based on a lie and I quote “The rabbit didn’t die 350 years ago, only Santa’s spirit”.
The alleged attacker Santa Claus (aka “Kris Kringle”)
The alleged victim, Anna Nordstrom
The arresting officer Lars Ollila
Santa then became aggressive and threw a punch at an elderly women, who according to eyewitnesses, looked like Mrs. Claus.
At approximately 2:00 AM, the Police arrived at the scene and after a brief struggle Santa was taken into custody.
Santa Claus Police Report
Below is a copy of the Hämeenlinnan police report as translated by the Hämeenlinnan City Office of Pubic Affairs.
Gentle reader, I am here to tell you that although it is sad and painfully obvious that Santa can not be counted on for the Holidays this year, JT’s Confections is standing firm and is ready to take all your orders!
Please visit us at JTSCONFECTIONS.COM and place your holiday orders. We are still fully stocked with all our delicious Caramel Pecan Clusters, Caramel Filled Chocolate Covered Pretzels, Chocolate Covered Oreos®, Milk and Dark Chocolate Pecan Bark, Chocolate Covered Pretzels and of course our famous Caramels! We ship anywhere in the US. Please note, orders that need to be shipped must be placed by December 15th.
As always, thank you for allowing me to share my thoughtslogo It’s been a pleasure.
Your Pal and Guide to a Parallel Universe,
JT
No you didn’t go too deep into Grandma’s cabinet, you heard that right…. CHOCOLATE COVERED CARAMEL FILLED PRETZELS!
At the very least, you’ll receive the award you always deserved but always were overlooked, employee of the month. You’ll even get your picture hung in reception.