Tag Archive for: holiday

Gentle Reader,

It is with a heavy heart that I share this news.

Last night in Hämeenlinna Finland, Santa was arrested for public drunkenness. According to eyewitnesses, Santa consumed approximately 9 Manhattans before passing out at the bar. When the bartender woke Santa to ask him if he needed a ride home, he started yelling to anyone who would listen that his marriage was a sham and was based on a lie and I quote “The rabbit didn’t die 350 years ago, only Santa’s spirit”.

Santa

The alleged attacker Santa Claus (aka “Kris Kringle”)

 

Mrs. Claus

The alleged victim, Anna Nordstrom

Officer Big Mac

The arresting officer Lars Ollila

Santa then became aggressive and threw a punch at an elderly women, who according to eyewitnesses, looked like Mrs. Claus.

At approximately 2:00 AM, the Police arrived at the scene and after a brief struggle Santa was taken into custody.

Santa Claus Police Report

Santa Claus Police Report

 

 

Below is a copy of the Hämeenlinnan police report as translated by the Hämeenlinnan City Office of Pubic Affairs.

Gentle reader, I am here to tell you that although it is sad and painfully obvious that Santa can not be counted on for the Holidays this year, JT’s Confections is standing firm and is ready to take all your orders!

Please visit us at JTSCONFECTIONS.COM and place your holiday orders. We are still fully stocked with all our delicious Caramel Pecan Clusters, Caramel Filled Chocolate Covered Pretzels, Chocolate Covered Oreos®, Milk and Dark Chocolate Pecan Bark, Chocolate Covered Pretzels and of course our famous Caramels! We ship anywhere in the US. Please note, orders that need to be shipped must be placed by December 15th.

As always, thank you for allowing me to share my thoughtslogo It’s been a pleasure.

Your Pal and Guide to a Parallel Universe,

JT

Gentle Reader,

I trust you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. It took a few days for the gallon of gravy I chugged to work it’s way out of my system. It wasn’t until the following Sunday that I stopped seeing gray spots and the burning sensation in my feet subsided. I love Thanksgiving!

So with that nutritional odyssey behind me, JT’s Confections heads for the home stretch; the Christmas season. How wonderful are the sites and sounds of the season?

The only thing missing is a holiday treat from JT’s Confections! What says Merry Christmas like a beautiful box of homemade caramel pecan clusters or caramel filled pretzels smothered in rich milk or dark chocolate? If you answered “Nothing”, you’re right! (I like to think I’m doing the Lord’s work. I also like to think I’m six feet tall and weigh 170 pounds…..)

Please visit our website at JTSCONFECTIONs.com to place your holiday order. It’s easy and really fun!!!

Please keep in mind that at some point, I will lose my mind, curl up in the fetal position and beg for Mommy to make it stop. Because I’m not sure when that’s going to happen, order now to avoid future heartache!!

If you have a large number of gifts, please email me at jtsconfections@gmail.com or call me at 908-377-9199 so we can manage your order in the most convenient manner.

Your Pal and Guide to a parallel universe,

JT

Gentle Reader,

Client Gifts

It’s the most wonderful season of the year, the client gift giving season.  OK so most deer will have a more relaxing hunting season than you’ll have a gift giving season, but there is hope.  Log onto JTSCONFECTIONS.COM and feel your anxiety melt away. It’s like ingesting 1/2 your grandmother’s medicine cabinet in one go! Stay away from the estrogen though…

A gift from JT’s is impactful and will bring a smile to even your most demanding client. Who can resist soft buttery caramels, pecan caramel clusters,  pecan bark, chocolate covered OREOS and pretzels and something NEW…chocolate covered caramel filled pretzels! No you didn’t go too deep into Grandma’s cabinet, you heard that right…. CHOCOLATE COVERED CARAMEL FILLED PRETZELS!

 

To Order

JT’s has made it very easy to order. Simply log onto JTSCONFECTIONS.COM and feel yourself freed from the shackles of gift giving! To further assist, we ship anywhere in the lower 48.  If you have a large number of gifts, please email me at jtsconfections@gmail.com or call me at 908-377-9199 so we can manage your order in the most convenient manner.

Long Overdue Recognition

At the very least, you’ll receive the award you always deserved but always were overlooked, employee of the month. You’ll even get your picture hung in reception.

Finally, an independent study demonstrates that after giving JT’s Confections as client gifts, most people accelerate their retirement by 2.6 years* .

* The legal department at JT’s disavows the scientific validity of this study.  In fact we are not convinced a study was even conducted.

Your Pal and Guide to a Parallel Universe,
JT