Tag Archive for: New Year

Gentle Reader,

2013 has come to a close and we embark on 2014 with all the optimism that any new year brings.

In 2013 we witnessed my gallant yet doomed bid to become the next Pope. I’d like to thank my Great Aunt Francine for her support. Unfortunately, the unbridled support of a 97 year old ex-communicated nun with Tourette’s, Alzheimer’s, and a penchant for “medical marijuana” was not enough. For the rest of you who were indifferent to my Papal quest, thanks! Thanks a lot!!!

I still dream….(It never gets old)

In 2014, I look forward to reaching many personal and professional goal.

I’m committing myself to thinking outside of the box. I’m also looking forward to bringing my height and weight measurements in line with FDA guidelines. Keeping in mind my past failures, and my commitment to thinking outside of the box, I have decided to grow twelve inches rather than lose 40 lbs. By 2015 I should be a Bill Walton clone; 6’11”, 210 lbs with bad knees.

I am committed to causing sleepless nights for the executives at my larger competition. Oh, I’m not talking about Charlie’s Chocolate Cigars, or Bonnie’s Bad Chocolate Emporium, my sites are set on the playas. The Swiss, The Belgi

ans, and those clowns in PA.
FYI, this domination would have been easier if I had the Papal Army at my disposal…thanks A LOT guys!

JT’s Confections is growing faster than we had anticipated and we want to thank you all for you support and help this past year. In 2013, our confections were served at weddings, bat mitzvahs, first communions, anniversary parties, jail breaks as well as corporate functions. in 2014, JT’s will be donating candy to charitable organizations for fund raising to ensure that our good work is more than spiritual.

Thanks again for all your support. It has been a pleasure creating the finest caramels and pecan clusters for all of you. Log onto JTSCONFECTIONS.COM, check out all our products, and let the mayhem begin!

Your Pal and Guide to a Parallel Universe,


P.S. To help fulfill your New Year resolution to be a better person, feel free to forward this email to a friend…and say three Hail Mary’s…