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We’re back! ST. Pete can ya hook a pal up? Let’s do some good!

Gentle Reader,

I trust this note finds you in top form and I hope that you and your family are all doing well. Enough about you…

We’re back:

We’re Baaaaaaaaaack, New Kitchen, Savage Tan, Hail to The Chief!

After a few months off the radar, JT’s is back and ready for the fall season. Our store in Randolph, NJ, is already open and starting Tuesday, October 3, JTSCONFECTIONS.COM is open and ready to ship!

I know most of you must be are asking, “Hey JT, what have you learned this past summer?” It can be distilled down to two life lessons…

Lesson number one: Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
Lesson number two: Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

With the comfort provided by this wisdom, we enter the 2017-2018 confection’s season.

As some of you may know, JT’s has donated a significant portion of our profits to charity. However, after attending my 35th High School reunion this summer and listening to and telling stories of my youth, we will be donating ALL PROFITS to charity. To be honest, I’m just trying to get an audience with St. Pete to plead my case….


JT’s highlights for the upcoming season…

****For corporate holiday orders over $1,000 JT’s will donate 15% of GROSS SALES to one of three charities. The donation will be directed to the charity of your choice and it will be made in your company’s name.****

The charities are:

SUMMIT SPEECH SCHOOL MISSION STATEMENT:
It is the mission of Summit Speech School to enable children who are deaf or hard of hearing to take their place in a hearing world by providing superior educational and therapeutic support services through an auditory/oral program. www.summitspeech.org

 

 

St. JUDE CHILDREN’S RESEARCH HOSPITAL’S MISSION STATEMENT:
The mission of St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital is to advance cures, and means of prevention, for pediatric catastrophic diseases through research and treatment. Consistent with the vision of our founder Danny Thomas, no child is denied treatment based on race, religion or a family’s ability to pay. www.stjude.org

 

DAVDAV OFFICIAL MISSION STATEMENT:
We are dedicated to a single purpose: empowering veterans to lead high-quality lives with respect and dignity. We accomplish this by ensuring that veterans and their families can access the full range of benefits available to them; fighting for the interests of America’s injured heroes on Capitol Hill; and educating the public about the great sacrifices and needs of veterans transitioning back to civilian life. www.dav.org

 

This offer applies to all existing and future clientele.

You guys have been amazing in helping JT’s Confections grow into a company that funds GREAT charities. With your continued support, we are looking forward to writing impactful checks this year.

Please like AND follow JT’s Confections on Facebook
Share this with EVERYONE!!!!

I sincerely thank all of you! (except for you Bob. You know what you did…)

Your Pal and Guide to a Parallel Universe,

JT

P.S. Please forward to a friend or three!

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We’re Baaaaaaaaaaaack!, Pope Francis, Phillyfanistan, and College Care Package

Gentle Reader,
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PhillyfanistanWe’re Back
It is with much satisfaction that I announce that JT’s Confections is fully stocked and ready for the new season. Please visit us at JTSCONFECTIONS.COM and reward yourself for being the best parent you could have been for those three hours last July 23rd!

Pope Francis
JT’s Confections would also like to welcome Pope Francis to the United States. While in the USA, Pope Francis will be visiting our nation’s capital, Washington DC; the world’s capital, New York City, and America’s answer to third world countries, Phillyfanistan.

Phillyfanistan
For those of you who are not familiar with Phillyfanistan, it’s a pagan society located in the south eastern region of Pennsylvania. This territory is inhabited by aggressive, loud, boorish, drunk people who worship false gods. These false gods are tall, massive, toothless beasts who are not able to complete a pass, hit a curve ball, score a goal or sink a free throw…when it counts.

Thank you Holy Father for your courage to visit Phillyfanistan. To quote my favorite Latin passage from the old testament… “Esum caseum CARNIS paniculum fartum edit, osculantur solitum campanulae sonum, et exi velociter ex ictos!”
Translation: “Eat a cheese steak sandwich, kiss the bell, and get out of dodge!”
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Faber CollegeCollege Care
Finally gentle reader, most of us have children, relatives or family friends who are attending an institution for higher learning. Please remember to send these urchins a gift from  JT’s Confections. I don’t know how I can make it easier; just click here  and become the better parent, aunt/uncle or family friend!

As always, thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts; it’s been a pleasure.

Your Pal and Guide to a Parallel Universe,

JT

John as Pope Pope Francis

Close your eyes and you wouldn’t know the difference….just sayin’.

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Happy New Year to all of you!

Gentle Reader,
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I’m confident you are religiously adhering to your well intended resolutions. However, as I encourage you to set goals and strive for personal betterment, you must also be realistic. I know for a fact that you will not lose 75 pounds by Valentine’s Day; there was only one Karen Carpenter.

jan-img2You will not stop drinking today; even Kitty Dukakis spent a few months banging back nail polish remover (Kitty cocktails) before she saw the light.

Finally, many of you upon serious self reflection, have determined that Hannibal Lecture is not the best role model for your work behavior. Stop your nonsense, you won’t change.

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(OK everyone relax, I’m 40 pounds over weight, haven’t had a drink in 14 year, six months, two days and 12 hours, and I was the greatest HR nightmare of all time!)

 

 

The Store is Open!

jan-img4On a confectionery note, JT’s Confections is reopened!!

After our short post holiday break, the chocolate is scrapped from the ceiling, unconscious workers have been air lifted to local trauma centers and all the equipment is in good working order. For those of you who were not able to order online last month (we had to close the site early last year as demand increased 6000%* over the previous year), JT’s orders are again being filled.

jan-img5Again, Happy New Year to everyone. Make 2015 the best year of your life. As an FYI, if you are male, over 45, and date a super model at any point during the year it automatically makes it the best year…regardless of how nuts she is!!!

Your Pal and Guide to a Parallel Universe,

JT

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