Posts

We’re back! ST. Pete can ya hook a pal up? Let’s do some good!

Gentle Reader,

I trust this note finds you in top form and I hope that you and your family are all doing well. Enough about you…

We’re back:

We’re Baaaaaaaaaack, New Kitchen, Savage Tan, Hail to The Chief!

After a few months off the radar, JT’s is back and ready for the fall season. Our store in Randolph, NJ, is already open and starting Tuesday, October 3, JTSCONFECTIONS.COM is open and ready to ship!

I know most of you must be are asking, “Hey JT, what have you learned this past summer?” It can be distilled down to two life lessons…

Lesson number one: Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
Lesson number two: Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

With the comfort provided by this wisdom, we enter the 2017-2018 confection’s season.

As some of you may know, JT’s has donated a significant portion of our profits to charity. However, after attending my 35th High School reunion this summer and listening to and telling stories of my youth, we will be donating ALL PROFITS to charity. To be honest, I’m just trying to get an audience with St. Pete to plead my case….


JT’s highlights for the upcoming season…

****For corporate holiday orders over $1,000 JT’s will donate 15% of GROSS SALES to one of three charities. The donation will be directed to the charity of your choice and it will be made in your company’s name.****

The charities are:

SUMMIT SPEECH SCHOOL MISSION STATEMENT:
It is the mission of Summit Speech School to enable children who are deaf or hard of hearing to take their place in a hearing world by providing superior educational and therapeutic support services through an auditory/oral program. www.summitspeech.org

 

 

St. JUDE CHILDREN’S RESEARCH HOSPITAL’S MISSION STATEMENT:
The mission of St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital is to advance cures, and means of prevention, for pediatric catastrophic diseases through research and treatment. Consistent with the vision of our founder Danny Thomas, no child is denied treatment based on race, religion or a family’s ability to pay. www.stjude.org

 

DAVDAV OFFICIAL MISSION STATEMENT:
We are dedicated to a single purpose: empowering veterans to lead high-quality lives with respect and dignity. We accomplish this by ensuring that veterans and their families can access the full range of benefits available to them; fighting for the interests of America’s injured heroes on Capitol Hill; and educating the public about the great sacrifices and needs of veterans transitioning back to civilian life. www.dav.org

 

This offer applies to all existing and future clientele.

You guys have been amazing in helping JT’s Confections grow into a company that funds GREAT charities. With your continued support, we are looking forward to writing impactful checks this year.

Please like AND follow JT’s Confections on Facebook
Share this with EVERYONE!!!!

I sincerely thank all of you! (except for you Bob. You know what you did…)

Your Pal and Guide to a Parallel Universe,

JT

P.S. Please forward to a friend or three!

/by

The Evolution of Dad

The Prehistoric Period, The Tobacco, Caffeine and Alcohol Period, The Estrogen Period. The Evolution of Dad

As we approach the beginning of June and Mother’s Day celebrations begin to wind down, we turn our attention towards those two hours dedicated to Dad, commonly known as Father’s Day. This year, Father’s “Day” will fall on June 21st.

I think this year Dads should be rewarded for their evolution as a species (for the newlyweds out there, after five years of marriage, women consider men a different, inferior species). In the April issue of Anthropological Quarterly AQ, the evolution of Dads is discussed in great detail.

prehistoric dadPrehistoric Dad Period:
During this period, Dads were characterized as antisocial, belligerent malcontents. The phrase, “Wait until you father gets home”, was usually followed by fire and an abundance of meat. Discipline was instilled with a club. This phase lasted from 200,000 BC until 1698.

Scary DadTobacco, Caffeine, and Alcohol Dad Period:
During this period, Dads were characterized as antisocial belligerent malcontents. The phrase, “Wait until you father gets home”, was usually followed by violence, incoherent screaming and uncomfortable dinners. Discipline was instilled with a belt. This phase lasted from 1699 until 1995.

Estrogen Dad Period:Mr D
Presently, Dads are characterized as emotionally soft, rudderless jellyfish. The phrase, “Wait until you father gets home”, is usually followed by sushi, ice cream cones and trophies for coming in 8th place in a six-team tournament. It’s a total shambles. Discipline is instilled with a hug. This phase began in 1996 and continues today.

OK, so we may have over shot the mark a little, but we are trying. This year reward your father and all fathers for their collective evolution by giving them a fantastic gift from JT’s Confections. Let the taste of JT’s bring your Dad back to a time when Dads were scary and eye contact was to be avoided at all costs.

As always, thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts; it’s been a pleasure.

Your Pal and Guide to a Parallel Universe,

JT

P.S. Because the earth is two degrees from catching on fire, local pick up only…

/by

Music, Mayhem, and Memories…

Gentle Reader,

I’m writing to you while vacationing at the fringes of the world, Tennessee. Oh sure we could have visited London, Paris, Maui, or Stockholm but we’ve had our hearts set on seeing the International Barefoot Banjo Playing Contest brought to you by Young-ins Day Care Center who’s motto is, “Most seven month olds have more teeth than our care givers“. (OK so that one is probably going to leave a Tennessean black hole in our national sales figures. If it helps to salve the wounds, I had to spell check Tennessee. Big word with just a few letters…just sayin’).

BTW, Cletis and Montgomery took first place in their category, 60’s Pop. They killed it with When a Man Loves a Women by Percy Sledge.

In addition to soaking up the kulture in Tennessee, we’ve been getting JT’s Confections ready for the coming season. Based on the number of desperate phone calls pleading with us to make caramels over the summer…
“Just a taste Johnny, dats all I want, just a taste”, we’re looking forward a busy fall and winter season.

I’ll be back in a few weeks with firm dates as to when we kick off the fall campaign. There will be a few new wrinkles and surprises for you good people.

Enjoy the rest of your summer and the next time you hear When a Man Loves a Women, think of Cletis and Montgomery.

Your Pal and Guide to a Parallel Universe,

JT

/by

10,000,000 degrees and 10,000 lakes…..

Gentle Reader,

I correspond with you not as the maker of the world’s finest confections but as an intergalactic explorer. As you can tell from the photo, me and my assistant Anthony (pronounced Ant-knee in Jersey), recently visited the surface of the sun. Ant-knee’s hair jell caught fire in .003 seconds and his St.email-pic-bad-sunburn Christopher’s medal melted in under .076 seconds. Although the Sun was hotter than I thought it might be, it was a dry heat.

In addition to visiting the sun, we also went to Minnesota. It was a little like going to Vail and getting altitude sickness. When you first arrive, you don’t feel very well and don’t know why. After a few hours you realize you don’t feel well because you are from the east coast and aren’t used to nice people. Finally, after a few days your body adjusts and you can’t smile enough. It’s the greatest place on earth….you betcha!

Well it’s time for my next adventure. I call it travel roulette. I’ve packed my passport, eaten the contents of a label less bottle from my medicine cabinet and am being driven to the airport. Not to worry, I’ve done this two other times and no one got hurt. The first time I woke up in Latvia doing vodka shots. I’m assuming I consumed a bottle of Ambien. The second time I never left the airport. I had the cabbie take me home and I was surly and irrational for two weeks. I assume I ate a bottle of estrogen replacement therapy pills.

JT’s Confections will be back in September and I look forward to a seeing everyone in the fall. Enjoy the rest of your summer and relax. Be more Minnesotan…”Oh suuuure I sapose it’d be alright if ya rammed that shopping cart inta the side of my neew car”

Your Pal and guide to a parallel universe,
JT

/by